Kitsapsun.com
By Angela Smith-Dice, asmith@kitsapsun.com
November 4, 2005

When Nothing Else Fits Right

On the playground of middle school, one of the worst insults a girl could hear was "you're flatter than a speed bump at Kmart."

Nothing rang truer than Judy Blume's characters chanting, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust."

Oh, how misguided.

Those girls didn't have to think about shopping in today's fashion world.

Not much clothing out there is meant for the well-endowed like me.

On a recent shopping trip, I tried on all the trendy styles, leaving me predictably frustrated.

The tied bolero jackets might as well be painted with arrows and a sign saying, "Check out these headlights." The jackets that button across the top, even the extra-large ones, look like Barbie's clothes stretched over Baby Huey, the giant baby duck.

Waist-banded blouses settled on like a hot-air balloon.

The triangle cut below the bust line of most shirts doesn't run low enough and points straight to the peeking industrial-strength bra. And any minute I anticipate the question, "When are you expecting?"

Most of it either leaves me looking like a tramp or a little tubby. But I need new shirts to replace the ones splotched by food that never made it to my lap.

Suddenly, that grandma-clothes section is starting to look like the only other option.

Aren't there any alternatives?

Large-chested women are in the fashion minority and thus a marketing hindsight.

Little more than 10 percent of women wear D-cup or larger-sized bras, according to the Journal of Sex Research. And just because you're curious now: 28 percent are C, 44 percent are B and 15 percent are A.

At this point in the conversation with friends and a few strangers, the flat-chested raise a protest, citing years of feelings of inadequacy and wishing they had those problems.

I guess few women are satisfied.

Nearly 20 percent of women said they'd like to change the size of their bust, according to a survey by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.

Last year, roughly 106,000 women opted for breast reductions and nearly 253,000 underwent augmentation, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.

Psychological studies indicate that those with small breasts tend to be more depressed and have feelings of physical inadequacy.

But busty women aren't happy either. In many people's minds, large breasts are linked with low intelligence and promiscuity.

Women have been trying to change the appearance of their bust line since the time of the ancient Romans and Greeks, who strapped and flattened them down.

The things people do to look cute in a toga. But, my full-figured friends, there's hope. Feel ashamed no more.

First-off, listen to your mom, or just listen to mine. You are beautiful. Be happy with who you are.

And wear bras and clothes that fit well. Find cuts that flatter.

Some hints of the more helpful styles:

Find fitted jackets to draw emphasis to your waist, preferably single breasted with a long "V".

Avoid pockets in jackets and shirts.

Wear solid-color tops. Patterns, especially horizontal ones, will only draw more attention. Light colors might emphasize your size, but dark colors will minimize. Hooray for fall!

Wear close-fitting, but not overly tight shirts. When you wear something close-fitting, wait for the comments on how much weight you lost.

For T-shirts, choose necklines, such as V-neck or deep scoops that will draw eyes elsewhere and visually minimize your bust.

Find fitted blouses and open-collared shirts with thin lapels in a deep V cut.

A-line or the more feminine fluid skirts or straight-leg or boot-cut pants help balance out your figure and draw some attention away from your chest.
Now, only if I could afford it all ...